Dear God

Dear God,
I’m just sitting here thinking about my life, what I’ve done, what I’ve accomplished and what I want to do with my life in general. I feel like my life is filled with those moments where you say to yourself, “if only I would have done this...”. I have this terrible feeling inside me when I think about all the times throughout my life where I have said this to myself. The majority of those times are because, what I did got me in trouble, or even just a stupid mistake in my life that I didn’t even get in trouble for.
Tonight I had one of those times, I got into a car accident. It all happened so fast. I was lost going to a friends house and I had just gotten off work. I came to a blinking light and not paying attention I thought it was clear and I looked at the street sign to see where I am and then I saw a car to my left coming at me. It just came over a hill to the blinking yellow light and tried to slow down but smashed into me in the rear quarter panel of my car. My car spun and I had this absolutely terrible feeling inside me, like kind of feeling you get when you are so sad, and you know that your parents will be mad and the last thing that you want to do is disappoint them again because you have so many times in the past and you have said to yourself so many times, “if only I would have done this...”. Well I said it again, and when my car finally stopped spinning all I could do was just sit there overcome with this emotion and feeling inside me. It is the worst feeling I have ever experienced. All I want to do is make my parents proud, so I wasn’t drinking or doing anything that I wasn’t supposed to do and yet this still happens. What is going on here! What is the devil trying to do to me and why? He knows that I am becoming closer to You everyday and so he does this. He said, “your not gonna drink? Alright well this is gonna happen anyway.” I guess I am still in shock. If I would have been 3 feet back that other car would have hit me in my drivers door and I could have been seriously hurt, I don’t even want to think about that. The devil tried to get me and You said, “NO, he’s mine.” You protected me and wanted me to know that the devil is out there and he knows what I am doing for Your kingdom.
So God, thank you for having my back and I am now aware of what the devil is up to and I will not take it. I love you so much and thank you so much for protecting me tonight! Everything is for you!

With Love,
Your son Zac

4 am and its my final night at AQ...

It’s my final night here at AQ. It is 4 in the morning and I am laying in bed finding it extremely difficult to sleep. I just can’t seem to shut my brain off. I guess you compare it to the night before you leave on vacation. Your really excited to go so you can’t sleep. It’s like that, except I don’t know if I am really excited to go. I am excited for certain things that being home for the summer brings but there are certainly things I am going to miss.
Of all the friends and all the memories that I made. It just doesn’t seem like it’s over. Summer is almost here. It’s not like Christmas break or spring break where we all know we’ll be back in a week or so. We are going to be leaving for the summer, a few months. Some of us won’t even be returning to AQ next year. It’s almost time to move back home and I guess in a way lose the freedom that I had here. Im going to miss going to Friends at 2 in the morning and getting some coffee and just hanging out, enjoying each others company. Im going to miss being able to go to the lounge whenever and just chill, do some homework or get in a quick game of ping pong. It is going to be hard to say goodbye to St. Joe’s, I don’t mean the building but the atmosphere that surrounds it. Although it will be hard to say goodbye to everyone at the end of the year, I am looking forward to the future. I don’t know what that holds, but I know that I will be ready for it with everything that I learned this year and how much I have grown. I learned a lot about myself this year. Being able to move out basically on my own has allowed me to really start thinking for myself, to be able to start developing my own opinions instead of relying on my parents ideas as my own. And it’s only the end of freshman year, I still have a lot to learn and a lot more to grow. I really do like it here. I have learned to take a step back and just appreciate all the little things, like when your just hanging out with friends just talking about nothing important but enjoying the fellowship.
It seems like we just got here and we are already leaving with our first year of college under our belts. So many memories have been made and I will never forget all of the good times that I have had here. It’s funny looking back at the begining of the year when everyone was just meeting each other and still kinda shy around one another and then looking at how now everyone is so close. I am certainly going to miss all of the friendships that I have developed here. And even though it is the end of the year I am still making new friends everyday and expanding on those that I already have. What a year it has been. Thank you to everyone who has made this year unforgettable.
With Love-
Zac

Belief "IN" God

Have you ever wondered who the first person to not believe in God was? Who was the first person to actually say, “No, I don’t believe in God?” What if believing in God was thought of differently then today? Maybe that person still believed that God existed, but they didn’t believe “in” him. And over the years that meaning was kind of just lost in time. Now people do not even believe that God exists. Could it be that, that one person just didn’t believe that God was with him and every one else? So they created other Gods, or idols. We see in the Bible that when Moses comes down from Mt. Sinai the people at the foot of the mountain have made a golden calf to worship. Moses is furious with them, so mad in fact that he smashes the tablets given to him by God. Now these people believed in God, they believed that he existed. I mean he had just rescued them from Egypt! Yet they didn’t believe “in” God anymore. How on earth could they lose faith in him that fast? They didn’t believe that he was with them so they made the golden calf to worship so that it could be present with them. That was in a short period of time that they lost faith, now multiply that by a few thousand years. Wow how faith has changed. Back then they knew that God existed but they did not believe “in” him. Now I believe “in” him even tho I do not know that he exists. Its like say I had a friend who’s life goal was to become a professional basketball player. I know that he exists, but I do not believe that he will accomplish that goal, I do not believe in him. That in a sense is how the people in the time of Moses felt about God, they didn’t believe that he was always with them so they made something that was. They know that God exists yet they still don’t believe in him. After he rescues them from Egypt they make another god. I bet God just thought to himself, “are you kidding me?” Looking back to then, how could they not believe “in” him? If they didn’t believe in him then how do we still do it today? They knew that he existed yet our faith “in” him is stronger than theirs. You would think that they would believe “in” him way more than us but that is not the case. Its like when you have something for awhile you tend to eventually take it for granted and are used to it, and eventually don’t even think about it anymore. If we knew for sure 100% that God was real would we be the same way that they were? We might take it for granted and not even think twice about it. Without knowing 100% that God exists we begin to wonder about Him. We ask questions and talk and discuss God. We read his word, the Bible, so that we can feel him. We long and desire for a relationship with him. Would it be the same way if we always saw him? He wants us to want a relationship with him and to know Him. To truly know him, not just to acknowledge that he exists. When we find and establish our belief in him we do get to know him. He wants us to find him. I know a lot of you who read this are saying, “but I do know 100% that he exists!” And yeah, I do to but that is because I have my foundation in him, I believe “in” him. Not everyone does. If he was fully present and visible to everyone would we want to have this kind of relationship with him? Would we believe that he was with us or would we end up like the people at the foot of the mountain? When we believe “in” him we discover Gods true existence. Not someone who is just at the top of the mountain but who is down at the base with all of us.

"Church Type"

A funny thing happened to me today. I went up to Saginaw Valley to hangout with one of my friends who goes to school there. His girlfriend was also there, which is fine with me. But when we were at dinner he told me that she was worried about me. Which was weird and naturally I asked why? He said that he had told her that I was the “church type” and thats why she was worried. I don’t understand why she would be worried. It’s not like I am gonna start ripping into her by preaching the fire and brimstone of hell! What is it about Christians that make people so uncomfortable at times? I am not going to be judgmental, which is a common stereotype of Christians. It would be very hypocritical for me to judge others because I am certainly not perfect, not even close. I guess that just kinda struck me funny when he said that. I don’t want that, because while I do go to church, I am not the “church type” that she is thinking about. I hope that while I was here and around her I showed Christ but in a different way then she thought of. Not in the judgmental, your going to hell if you don’t believe in God kind of way but rather in showing love through the way the I acted. I hope that I showed God’s love in my actions and that she could see Christ in me. I hope that she saw that Christians are not a group of judgmental hypocrites but people who have shortcomings just like everyone else does but who just have something more to there lives, how our lives are completed with God. Although we sin and have failures and shortcomings we are perfected in Christ.

Follower of Christ

Yesterday I went and talked to one of my professors after class and we were just casually talking about a book that I had mentioned and he asked me a question that really made me think. He knew that I wasn’t Catholic and that I was a theology major and he asked me if it bothered me studying theology at a Catholic college. I said, no I haven’t really come across any problems yet. He said well I was just wondering because I have been teaching Catholic Theology in this class. (The class is theology of christian marriage.) That took me off guard, I said, “Really?...oh.” I guess it hit me right then and there that I didn’t really know what the difference was. I mean we believe in the same God and yet there are all these differences between our “religions.” I was raised as christian reformed and thats what I had always identified myself as. Whenever some asked me if I was religious I would say yeah, Im christian. Then they would say back, ok what kind? People would usually say some variation of that and so then I would say, “Im christian reformed.” That always struck me as weird that people needed to ask that second question and that moment with my professor put it into perspective for me. Why is there this separation within the church? The more I thought about it I realized that I don’t really identify myself as christian reformed either. I’m simply a christian, a follower of the one true God and of Jesus Christ. I mean we all have the same Bible yet why are we so different? Jesus didn’t come to start a new religion or separate us, he came to unify us in God. I don’t necessarily identify myself as a christian in the traditional sense. I AM a follower of Jesus Christ. I follow the Bible and try to live my life the way Jesus showed us and try to live it in a way that honors God. I just don’t know if I like the thoughts and stereotypes that the term “christian” provokes. When people hear that term they think judgmental, hypocritical, condemnation and so on. I don’t like that, thats not what Jesus intended, yet people act this way and don’t truly live the way Jesus shows us. People say all the time how christians are hypocritical. And yeah, thats true. Everyone is hypocritical in their own right. Everyone is hypocritical because we are all flawed, we all have sin in us. The realization of this allows us to live our lives in the best way that we can in regards to what Jesus taught. The whole time knowing that we will make mistakes, we will seem hypocritical at times but thats just because of sin. If we really make an effort to live like Christ we will, we WILL to best that is possible for us, despite sin. That is why Jesus died on the cross for us, to forgive us of our sins, even when we are hypocritical. So I don’t know if I am a “christian” in the way that people always think of it. Instead of saying I am a christian I say that I am a follower of Jesus Christ. That takes away all of the different denominations within the church and gets to the root of what its really all about.
In the book of Matthew Jesus says, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only few find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14) We as “christians” get so caught up in the traditions of the church and we sometimes miss the bigger picture. We even forget or maybe we never even knew where these traditions originated. We need to stop getting so caught up in these traditions and so caught up in the differences between church denominations and just follow Christ. Sometimes people say they are believers and they participate in all of the traditions of their particular church denomination but they are not truly christians. They don’t know what it means to be that. They are just going through the motions and not living the way that Jesus taught. They are still going down the broad road instead of getting to the root and meaning of their beliefs and taking the exit onto the narrow road. This is why so few people find it. They are distracted by all the traditions, glamour and even flaws of the “christian church.” Now don’t get me wrong I am not saying that we need to get rid of these traditions or anything, I am just saying that as followers of Christ we need to redefine what it truly means to be a christian. We need to get to the root of the religion and live it how it was meant to be. Jesus did not intend for us to be like this, separated from other believers by petty differences but for us to come together and follow him. Now I don’t really know what all the different denominations believe, or what the differences are, and I don’t care. Because I am simply a follower of Jesus Christ.

Ronny

A friend of mine recently passed away. His name was Ronny, I worked with him last summer laying blacktop. He worked the paver and since I was usually either shoveling asphalt or spreading tact I was always around the paver. I was with him for nearly 10 hours a day during the week. We talked a lot and I probably talked to him more than anyone else that I worked with. I am sad that he is gone, it is weird to think about. He worked for my grandpa who owns the company for many years, since I was little. I knew of him for most of my life, I would hear his name because I was with my grandpa a lot growing up. Always going to see the guys work, to watch the trucks and ride the roller. I felt like I have known him for years even though I only worked with him for a summer.
He died of cancer only weeks after he was diagnosed. It happened so suddenly, it took me completely off guard. The last time that I had seen him was a only a couple of months ago when we had a late Christmas dinner for work. He was fine, just as normal as he was the summer before. At least thats what it seemed like. Ronny was a very kind person, he had a gentle soul. I don’t ever remember him getting angry or losing his temper while we were working, that stood out to me. That is one reason why we talked a lot, cause he was never in a bad mood. And the fact that we talked so much kinda bothers me because we talked about nearly everything, except the most important thing of all, God. I honestly don’t know if Ronny is in heaven and that tears me apart. I’ll never know what his last moments were like but even the fact that I have to wonder kills me inside. All those opportunities that I had to witness and even just casually talk about Christ, I could have made an impact on his life. I could have avoided feeling this way, could have avoided having to wonder where he is now. It’s a horrible feeling. Everyday we talked, and every day went by without talking about God. What could we have possibly been talking about that is more important than that? I am struggling with this right now. Even if I would have casually mentioned God here and there could have sparked an incredible conversation that could have changed his life. I wish thats how it had gone. I know that I can’t live in the past, I have to move on and think about the future. I guess the only thing that I can hope from this situation is that I showed God to Ronny through my actions, even if we didn’t talk about it. I hope that he saw God working through me and maybe if he didn’t talk to me about it he talked to someone. That I can take hope in. I have to live my life as best as I can for the LORD and hope that he shines through me. I pray Ronny saw that and found truth in Jesus before he died, because I hate this feeling of uncertainty. I know now that I have to take these opportunities that God puts in front of me to witness and talk about Christ, even just casually. And to live in a way that honors him and hope that people see that and find Christ themselves. My grandma always talked about how none of the guys that worked for my grandpa knew Christ and when I started working for him she told me to be a light for God. I hope I was, for Ronny’s sake I hope I was. I never really thought about it that much when she said that but know I think about it everyday. Hopefully Ronny saw it and if I get the chance to work for my grandpa again this summer I’m going to make sure that they see Christ in me! I will make sure of it and will talk about God, in hopes of sparking a greater discussion that could lead to someone finding Christ. Even if just one of them finds God it is so completely worth getting up at 6 am every day in the summer and working hard all day. Even if I am exhausted everyday after work, it WILL be worth it all!

Rest In Peace Ronny

Find Yourself Here

Do you ever see those California commercials? The ones promoting the state of California. Well at the end of the commercial they say, “find yourself here.” I was recently in California, LA specifically and although I was there for only a week I did find myself. I realized when I was there how busy it is there, how many people don’t know the true God and are not living for him. It truly made me sad to think of this and to see it. Although while I was there I saw small rays of light shining through the darkness. I did attend a small group while I was there at my uncles house. And I know that their are people there trying to live for Christ and make a difference, trying to be lights in the darkness. But the darkness certainly surrounds and engulfes the light. I had always wanted to live in a place like LA and do something out there, I wanted to be famous. But when I got there and realized this I knew right then that that’s not the path God intended for me.
He wants us to stay busy but to be busy doing things that honor him. I recently watched a NOOMA video entitled “Shells.” In this video Rob Bell talks about how Jesus is always on the move. He is constantly going from place to place. Everywhere he goes he is healing the sick and driving out demons. Yet there comes a time when he moves on to the next city, despite of all the people begging him to stay so he can continue healing and driving out demons. Jesus has the ability to say no to these people and to move on. Imagine how many more people he could have healed. Yet he does this, he is able to say no because he has already said yes to something else. He already said yes to Gods plan for him. You can’t say no until you have already said yes to something else. People are so busy in their lives that it seems like they never say no. They are always saying yes to something else but it is never the right thing. We need to say yes to Gods plan for us and then we will be able to say no. We will be able to say no because we will see the plan that is for us and take that path. As Rob Bell says, “we need to examine the rhythms of our life.” We need to stop saying yes to everything and start saying no, just as Jesus did, so that we can pursue a simple, disciplined focused life where we pursue the few things that God has in store for us. We need to be like Jesus and say no because we have already said YES to God.
When I saw how LA was actually like and how busy and far from God it is I put my own dreams aside and said Yes to God. I said no to that kind of lifestyle that I had thought that I wanted for so long. I came to realize that this isn’t what was meant for me. I mean sure I could still pursue that kind of life but I know that I wouldn’t be honoring God by doing it and what kind of life is that? A life apart from God isn’t a life at all but rather death. Live for the day but make sure that your days, and your life is for God. The only way that you can truly live is when you are living your life with God, in the light. His light. Do not live in the darkness that surrounds all of us but step out into the light. Everybody has a different role in life. I don't exactly know what mine is yet, God is slowly revealing it to me. I am starting to realize what I do want to do with my life and what I don't to do, or rather what I need to do. Now my uncle is in LA. He is an actor out there and that is his role, it may not be mine but it is his. I love what he does out there, he is happy with what he is doing and he has found the role that God intended for him, he and my aunt are trying to be a light the darkness. I will find mine eventually, after all I am only 19.

Prayer

When you pray do not ask God for insignificant things. God already knows what you need before you even pray. Notice how I say need, sometimes what you want is not what you need, even if it seems that way sometimes. When my uncle Jeff was diagnosed with cancer we were all praying that he would be healed. This is what we all wanted. We prayed that he would live. Around two years after he was first diagnosed he passed away. People asked God why? Why didn’t he heal him so that he could live? When I really think about it God did answer our prayers, uncle Jeff may not be alive with us today here on earth but he is alive with Christ in heaven. He answered our prayers with an emphatic YES! You see my uncle Jeff was not close with God for the most part of his life. After he was diagnosed with cancer he got connected with a pastor who really made an impact in my my uncles life. He changed the way he thought and he found God in the last days of his life. If God had healed my uncle like we wanted him to do in our prayers, who knows if my uncle would have found Christ like he did. He could just have gone on living the same life and thought nothing of it. God had something else in mind, he sees the bigger picture. My uncle Jeff found salvation in Christ and that is what truly matters. Him dying wasn’t something that we wanted at the time but it was something that we needed and more importantly something that he needed, and God knew that. That needed to happen for my uncle to find Christ and as a result other people who knew him then became stronger in their own faiths. Not our will be done but Gods.
Jesus took prayer very seriously. Prayer for Jesus was being honest with God, even brutally honest. When Jesus is praying in Gethsemane he is being totally and completely honest with God. ““Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”” Mark 14:36. Jesus is asking God to make it so he doesn’t have to go through what he is about to go through. He relates his crucifixion and all that is about to happen to him to a cup, a cup that he doesn’t want to drink out of. Although he doesn’t want to do it he also in his prayer acknowledges that God knows what he is doing and that God’s will be done. He knows that God can see the bigger picture. Prayer is constantly asking what God is up to, what his will is. In the creation poem in Genesis God created things with the ability to create more. The world is essentially left unfinished and God invites us to help in the ongoing creation of the world. Pray unceasingly and live your life as a prayer. As Rob Bell said, “May you be honest with God as you become more and more open with your role in the ongoing creation of the world.” Jesus knew his role in the ongoing creation of the world and he accepted it, he accepted Gods will, not his and he lived his life that way. We need to realize our role that God has put in front of us. Sometimes when we pray for something we may not realize our role in the world. Maybe we are the answer to our own prayers. Sometimes that is part of our role. Don’t ask God to feed somebody who is hungry when you have more than enough food.

Kabod

I wrote this when I was on  a plane to Los Angeles.  I just opened my computer, started typing and this is what ended up on my screen...

The Hebrew term for Glory of the Lord is “Kabod.” When God said “Let there be light” in Genesis his Kabod illuminated the world and everything else. The sun, moon, and stars were not created until the fourth day. His Kabod lit the world and His spirit hovered over the waters. 

Its truly amazing when you just sit still for a while and feel God. Even on this plane right now I see him everywhere I look and feel him with every movement that I make. 35,000 feet above the surface of the earth and God is here. I look down as we fly past city after city and see all of the lights shining in the darkness of the night. God is there to. In Genesis when it says that Gods spirit hovered above the waters I can completely picture that and I feel as though I am seeing that when I look out of the plane and see clouds with lights breaking through from the ground. To me it feels as though those clouds are the spirit of the LORD. Simply breathtaking. I look around the cabin inside the plane at all of the people, some sleeping, some talking, some watching a movie or listening to music and I think how awesome it is that we are able to travel like this. Whether these people realize it or not God gave us the minds to develop the airplane and the people who can fly it. Its so beautiful when you think about it. As Rob Bell said, God created us and gave us the ability to create in this ongoing process of creation. Not only did he give us the ability to have kids and experience that joy but he gave us minds to create as well. 
When you start to think about it God is in everything we say, everything we do, and even who we are, whether your a believer or not. You are made in the image of the God of the Universe, and its not like someone else made you in his image, he did himself. Not only that but he wants to have a relationship with us. Everybody wonders what the meaning of life is and to be honest with you, who cares? If we choose to we get to have a relationship and be friends with the God of the universe, the one who created it all. That is the meaning of life, God created us so that we could share in his Glory and he wanted to share that with us. He loves us more than anything and nothing makes him happier than if we were to share with him in his Kabod. That my friends and fellow christians is the meaning of life itself. Growing up I always heard my mom and grandma say to me, “God is watching you”, to get me to be good but now I realize that not only was he watching me he was right there with me. In all my moments of sin and of struggle he was with me. Right by my side. Take pride in anything you do and enjoy every minute cause your doing it with God.

Why Not

Well I finally decided to get one of these.  I figured it would be a good way for me to communicate some things that I have been thinking with other people. So here we go...